Is people pleasing so easy to stop?

This is a message for all people pleasers out there, the people who “care too much about what other people think”.

Here is a big hug for you.

I want to tell you you're okay - in a world that tells you “set boundaries”, “learn to say no”, “put yourself first”, “put self care first”.

You have been behaving like that for decades and it may take a lot of self awareness and a lot of practice to go against the emotional torture that takes place when you write in an email or directly tell someone “no, I can't do that”. 

It is possible to change and learn that you don’t always have to act as if your needs and yourself are worth less than others. 

But change happens one day at a time.

Why is this topic a passion of mine? 

Because I am a people pleaser myself. Textbook example.

And I feel so much guilt and shame when I don’t “stand up for myself”.

But this not only about me, it is the case of SO MANY people I have talked to lately.

This has reminded me of a conversation I had a few years ago with someone who works in France as sophrologist (a kind of mindfulness counsellor) but who is also the on-site psychologist for a large French organisation. 

He told me 80% of the people who come to him seek his help because they can't set boundaries, they can't say no. 

If this is the reason leading 80% of employees to the on-site counsellor for a large organisation in France, surely this is not a tiny individual problem that can be solved by bullying yourself into having more willpower.