Grief and losing the privilege of a relationship

Here is a topic that just came up as I was talking with a friend and that comes up time and time again in counselling. It demonstrates how closely related grief is to relationships.

When a relationship breaks down or when someone passes away, you may recall that I talked about the daily reality of grief in previous blog posts. About the daily reminders that this person is no longer a part of your life.

As part of these daily reminders, I think one does not get talked about enough: the loss of the privilege of being a part of this person’s life.

It is a privilege to be around someone.

I like to remind clients that they don’t owe it to anyone to share their vulnerability with them if these people have not earnt their right to be in their life, if they have not proved that they deserve their trust.

When we lose someone or when we lose a relationship, then we lose this privilege. 

It may show up as craving the connection with them, or wanting to know what is going on in their life.

We lose the privilege of being a part not just of their present but of their future.